The Fine Balance

This morning I am reflecting on comfort.  I am sitting on my porch listening to birds chirp and signs of my neighbors waking and going about their daily business.  Our yard looks lovely even if a little rough hewn.  I love the Bird of Paradise growing out of control and our unkempt gardenia bushes.  I have been praying about relationships and life, and thinking about how God has shown me so much and has really changed me in so many good ways.  How he is so faithful to work in us and work things out of us, and how there is still so much work for him to do in my character.

So, as a middle class American I have not had to really be very uncomfortable in many ways.  Of course there have been things that transcend socio-economic protections such as death and disease, but middle class Americans are insulated from many problems that other people deal with.  We enjoy a degree of control over circumstances that most people in the world cannot imagine.  When we encounter something that takes us out of our comfort zone we can often find a way to escape it, whether through “fixing” the situation, avoiding it, or finding something to numb us or distract us.  I’m pretty convinced that is a big reason why the entertainment industry is so successful.  I admit that feel very blessed by the degree of control I have been granted, and I especially feel the security of it emphasized because I live among people who are on the other end of that spectrum.

In Africa, people tend to be much more fatalistic.  Many feel that they have such little recourse and no control so when they encounter hardship they may give up very easily.  Discomfort does not necessarily indicate a need to reconcile the problem in some way, for many it automatically indicates defeat.  Extreme examples of this are seen in several instances where parents have given up on treating or even feeding sick children because they are so sure the child will die, and people who refuse to seek medical attention because it probably won’t help anyway.

Somewhere between trying to inoculate ourselves against discomfort and succumbing to fatalism, there is a discernment that helps us determine when that pressure is a healthy thing and when it isn’t.  I am currently experiencing a lot of uneasiness that doesn’t signify that anything is wrong or needs to be resolved, it’s simply an indicator that God is trying to awaken me to new possibilities and expand my vision of his kingdom and my place in it.  There’s nothing inherently wrong, and I am not defeated, just having growing pains.  It is ironic that I actually find some comfort in that discomfort, but I suppose it’s because that in that discomfort I feel the presence of God.

Our summer is definitely moving along fast and we are keeping up with it!  I am finally into a semi-regular routine, at least as much as can be expected at this point, and I thought I’d share what a typical week looks like for me.

Sunday: In the mornings we go to church in the village , then we go home for lunch and relaxation until late afternoon.  At 4:00 we meet with our teammates to take communion together and have Bible classes for the kids.  It is kind of cool to think that we are meeting here at about the same time you all are meeting in the U.S.  After church we go home for our Sunday night tradition of Mark’s pancakes.

Monday is our day off, but I usually get up and create a menu and shopping list.  We do things around the house and have a family day, many times going to the pool when it is hot.  Monday nights are movie night, and I make pizza and we watch a movie during dinner.

Tuesday mornings through Friday mornings the girls have French lessons with our language teacher, Essowe.  I go do home visits for the clinic from 8 or 9 until 12.  When I get home we have lunch and then Mark goes out to the village and I stay home with the girls.  Tuesday is market day so Abla (a friend of ours) goes to the market for us, and I spend my afternoon getting things done around the house, spending time with the girls, personal prayer and Bible study, and getting home aspects of our work done.  I usually start dinner around four and we eat at six.  After dinner we have family time until the girls go to bed.

Wednesday mornings I do Kabiye lessons and the girls do French lessons.  Afterwards I may spend time at home, or I might have some other things to do like attend a meeting, or get work done for the support of orphans by Christian Relief Fund.  We eat lunch together and then Mark leaves to go to the village.  In the afternoon I practice Kabiye, spend time with the girls, and at 4 the girls and I head up to the local orphanage where we teach a Bible lesson and play games with the kids.  We usually get home at about 5:30 and have time to shower before dinner (I have Beatrice, our houseworker, make dinner on Wednesday.)  After dinner we clean up and spend time with the girls, but at 7:30 our babysitter, Sitsope, comes and we head over to teammates’ homes for Adult Bible Study.  We don’t usually get home from that until around 10:30, so we are pretty worn out.

Thursday mornings Mark goes to guys’ prayer time and the girls have French, and I work around the house.  Mark usually gets back a little after 12 and we have lunch together, and soon thereafter I go to girls’ prayer time for the afternoon.  Girls prayer time usually lasts until about 5, and I come home to Mark cooking dinner!  We eat, do dishes, have family time, and then off to bed.

Fridays the girls and I both do our particular language studies, and then I have the day to work around the house, study Kabiye, have personal prayer and Bible study time, and do other things that need to be done.  Fridays are usually very nice days.

Saturday mornings the girls and I do not do language, though Mark does.  Two Saturdays a month I spend the morning at the clinic to help with their group meetings, once a month for the OVC (Orphans and other Vulnerable Children) Caregiver meeting and once a month for the PMTCT (Preventing Mother to Child Transmission) group.  Saturday afternoons are usually family time and we sometimes watch a movie with dinner.

That is a fairly typical week for me.  It’s a busy enough schedule, but very manageable.

I can hear my girls outside the window.  They have used the garden hose to wet the ground and are creating Barbie town out of mud, sticks, and leaves.  Watching them play as they do gives me much to contemplate in the realm of materialism and consumerism.

When we moved here last year we lived in an apartment above the school house and had only what we were able to bring on the airplane with us.  Needless to say, the girls didn’t have a lot of toys, just a small collection of Littlest Pet Shop mostly, yet they rarely said that they were bored or indicated that the lack of toys was troublesome to them.  Instead they creatively employed toilet paper tubes, cereal boxes, bottle caps, old fabric scraps, and various other items and tailored them to suit their recreational needs.

However, when we moved back here this year and into our home we sold some of their toys in a garage sale, but brought most of what they had with us and created a playroom for them.  It seemed logical considering we were sending a container anyway, but here we are with an overstocked playroom for my girls, who really prefer to make their Barbie beds out of washcloths and fabric scraps, and towns out of sticks and mud.

So, yesterday as I was shopping online for facial cleanser that would be appropriate for a girl of Maddie’s age, I almost got sucked in by Discovery Girls magazine (something that surely my 10 year old needs since it is custom written for girls her age!).  I realize that  there’s nothing wrong with getting my kids toys, but I am also grateful that my girls have unwittingly reminded me that cute packaging developed by marketing experts who have done demographic research is not really necessary to meet their needs (or ours for that matter!)

I recently came across two completely different blogs (I probably found them through alphainventions or condron or something) that addressed the depiction of the poverty and hardship of those living in Africa.  One of the blogs in particular was written by a Kenyan woman, and she conveyed that the “fetishization of Africa’s misery” is offensive to her.

I have been thinking about that, especially since I’m in a position to tell a lot of stories about cases of extreme poverty and injustice.  I recognize that there is a balance to strike when giving voice to someone who might not otherwise be heard, that one must careful not to glamorize these things.  Quite honestly, AIDS work in Africa has gotten so much press and has become almost trendy, I’m often left with some confusing feelings after having casual conversations about what I do with people in the US.  At the same time, the reality of the daily struggles of many of the orphans and adults I see here are almost incomprehensible, and I feel unless their stories are told again and again, those who have the resources to help may be left to allow their compassion to settle in the depths of their hearts like unstirred sediment.

So, I say all of that to communicate that I don’t want to exploit or glamorize the inequity that see on a daily basis.  I just want to share the stories of amazing people who are facing adversity that many us will never comprehend, and I want to give them credit for the valor they display despite the fact that most of them don’t own a house, a car, a degree, insurance, and aren’t well dressed.  They may look worn out and sometimes unbecoming, but they are heroes.

Wow, it’s been awhile since I last posted, and much has been happening.  I thought I’d better get on a good post, especially since several of my teammates are out of the country and blogging is such an efficient way of keeping people up to date.

Daily life has taken a great turn since school let out and our teammates left town.  The girls have spent almost all of their time at home, and I think they’ve really been enjoying it.  Their days are filled with freetime and playing, and I love to see them getting to just be kids and using their imaginations so much.  They have French class each morning from Tuesday through Friday, and they have a few minor chores.  Maddie has to practice piano and Michal practices her Math facts, but other than that they get to play and enjoy the freedom of youth.  Lately, their favorite thing to play is American girl dolls.

During the last week of school Fielden and Janet Allison came from Tanzania to conduct a weeklong marriage retreat.  Their teaching was very much needed and seems to have been somewhat revolutionary in the lives of many of the attendees.  Wednesday afternoon, Kpatcha (young Kpatcha for those of you who know him)  came by to talk about some of the things he and his wife have been discussing since the retreat.  It is really exciting to be able to witness such change in people’s lives.  I asked him why he was such a believer in the teachings, why didn’t he jut dismiss them and say “Those are your ways, not ours.  That’s not how our culture works.”  He said he knew the teaching was good because he knew that their normal ways of handing things don’t work.  He gave several examples and said that he and his wife had been experiencing such frustration but never knew what to do, so when the Allisons came in and explained about communication, about budgeting and making decisions together, parenting together, and helping each other with problems, it made sense to him.  I also spoke with Christianne, another Christian who went to the retreat this morning, and she is very grateful for they were able to learn.

This morning I had my first Kabiye Bible study.  Christianne, a woman from the village of Lassa Tchao, has been studying with Becky Reeves every other week.  This morning I tried to continue with that study even though my Kabiye is very weak.  Christianne was very forbearing of my poor reading skills and much of our discussion was done in French.  Happily, I felt we were able to discuss some of the deeper and more personal ramifications of I Corinthians 9.  As often happens when I spend time with my Kabiye friends, I feel I probably benefitted more from our time together than she did!

The work at the AIDS clinic is going well, too.  I definitely feel challenged by the work I have before me in helping with the meetings for parents and caregivers of orphans.  Please pray that I will be able to face these challenges and that I, together with the others involved, can build this program up.  I am starting to work some with the PMTCT (preventing Mother to Child Transmission) program as well with the goal of being able to help with their meetings.  Once again, I ask your prayers that I will be able to offer some help that is worthwhile.

Another exciting aspect of that work is that the ball is now rolling to connect people from some of the more remote areas with testing and services, if needed.  Several of the churches where we work are very interested in learning more about how to reach out to people who are HIV positive, and this would be a huge step because stigma is a very big problem in those settings.

S0, our plates are full and lives are busy, but pleasantly so.  I’ve been able to work in working out consistently for which I am grateful.  Now, if I can just start blogging regularly again…

Today is a busy day, but a good one.  Mark and I returned from Lome last night after going to run errands for our teammates and attending a meeting at the U.S. Ambassador’s house.  This morning we woke up, had breakfast with our girls, and then headed out to take two men from AED (the clinic where I volunteer) to the All Church Retreat.  Roderique and Pina explained the services that are offered by the clinic and gave some brief info about HIV.  People seemed very interested and there were some very good questions asked.  I am encouraged to see people from our churches (which are in remote settings) make connections with resources that are available to them.  Many times people here just go without help because they have no idea of where to go to find it.

The All Church Retreat was greatly encouraging.  I love seeing all of those beautiful people together, sharing in fellowship and joy with one another.  I am humbled at how so many people walked hours and hours on end to be together, and at the unity and sweet spirit that is so evident among them.  It is hard for me to believe that these churches are so young because so many people have such great faith and wonderful testimonies.  I often feel like they are far beyond me!

After bringing my friends from the clinic back I met with Capitaine and got an update on some children that had been abruptly moved from our area.  He was able to find them (they are now living in Ghana) and speak with their current guardian about their health needs.  He found out that they are in good health right now but the are not receiving ARVs.  At least we have the peace of mind of knowing that they are ok for now and we know where to go to check on them.  Please pray that the guardian will do what needs to be done to care for their needs and keep them healthy, and that it won’t take one of them getting seriously ill to convince him that ARVs are necessary.

In a few minutes I am off to teach music at our school (always a highlight of my week) and then the girls and I will gather some gifts (sent by our friends at Singing Oaks) to give to the orphans at AED and at the orphanage for Easter.  I feel so blessed to be here and to be a part of these great things God is doing here.  I pray that the people around me will feel those blessings, too.

Chocolate, coffee, Oreos, a good movie, and laying around in bed during the middle of the day.  I’m not kidding, it’s kind of therapeutic when practiced occasionally.

T.G.I.M…. our weekend extends to Monday which is probably the only real day off we get on this team, unless we take another. Days off are a real commodity to me. I’m definitely not the kind of person who works from the time I get up to the moment I go to bed. I love putting in a good day’s work and then spending some quite time with my husband, with a good book, or in conversation with friends. I suppose the reason that I explain this is that my blog can tend to reflect the whiplash change of direction that I experience in my daily life working here. One day I am writing about the desperate circumstances of the orphans with whom I work, the next blog is about home decorating.

So, as we continue the process of settling in and putting our mark on our house, I find myself enjoying the challenge that lies in this creative process. Our concrete block house definitely lacks the inherit character that was present in our last house, a 1926 Craftsman Bungalow, so it is up to us to make this place homey and reflective of who we are. Aided by the paint that we brought over from the U.S. (most of which was paid for by loving friends) and Mark’s ability to take something old and re-create it, this house is turning into a home.

I am a believer in only retaining things that are useful, much loved, or are a particular reflection of our family. I also believe in using resources that are readily available to us. Arguably, anyone can make a room look “nice” by ordering everything straight from the Pottery Barn catalog.  However the fun and exciting challenge is finding the items that are the perfect intersection of practical and personal, and that have character. I’ve been thinking about a coffee table or side tables for our sofa, and I think I am going to use the cheap wood frame, corrugated tin top tables that you can find at every roadside stand selling bread or bananas here.  How will that look with the mix of weird furniture we already have?  I don’t know but I guess we’ll find out.

In the end, our house may not turn out like a spread in House Beautiful, but if it’s a place that my family can feel totally relaxed and that reflects our tastes and values then it’s good enough for me.

Mark and I talk a lot about the process of creating art and its link to knowing God.  I came across the blog of artist Jude Hill through alphainventions today that not only shows beautiful artwork, but invites you in to participate in the spiritual process of artmaking.